6 Feet Under

Hmm, so my medical insurance has finally run out and honestly, I have never felt more vulnerable in my life. There are so many things wrong with me right now (most of which no one knows about.. shhhhhh), and I can't do a damn thing about them because there is not enough money in the world to pay for medical expenses.... well, that's a problem; albeit one I can't fix and that I'd rather not rant about right now. Maybe some other day... hmm...

Aaaaaanyways, because of this new development, I've been thinking about death quite a bit. Now now, don't get ahead of me, this isn't an emo/pessimistic type of thing (let's get this really straight, I'm not looking for pity, I'm definitely not sad or depressed, and I'm not saying that I'm dying soon). This is just a practical/hypothetical view if anything. Just, if I were to find out that I had a short period of time to live, what loose ends would I have to tie up before I went... let's see what I come up with, shall we?

1. Donate half of my savings and whatnot to cancer research. Write the rest to my brother (I'd write half to my mom, but she'd end up writing it to my brother anyways, just cutting out the middleman here) Physical things are up for grabs unless I hate you.

2. Say my goodbyes to the people who really matter in my life.... so far I'm counting about 10 people.

3. Tell girl I'm interested in how I feel 'cause hey, it won't matter if I get rejected at this point. Shieet, I'm about to die son. Bitch-move? Yes. Would I care? Not really. If I have a girlfriend at that point (hah, right) I'd tell her I love her and spend as much time as possible with her.

4. Buy a nice-lookin suit for my funeral, even if I decide to be cremated, I'd still like to look good while I'm burning.

5. Confront every single fear I have and conquer them (if I have the time), which would mean having to sky dive and getting a pet spider and centipede.... eesh that's going to suck.

6. Rebuild as many burned bridges as possible, literally and figuratively.

7. Charge my ipod and fill with good music. I would like to listen to it as I'm being buried and/or burned.

8. Choreograph something, learn a piece of choreography, and learn one last freeze.

9 Get someone to prop my arms up so people can give me a post mortem hug like in Scrubs. ( kidding... kinda.. hehehehe)

10. and most important: GET LAID (also kidding, no hookers for me thank you very much, I'd rather die without the clap)

I think that should be enough, yes? I kinda think everyone should have one of these lists.

Weird thing is, as I think about my death, I don't feel any fear (I suppose that's easy for me to say as I'm not exactly on my deathbed; I'm prolly going to be shittin' bricks when that time comes) quite the opposite actually. Especially because I've been thinking about religions and whatnot too, I'm really curious to see what happens in the afterlife. I have quite a number of theories (most of which would land me in a crazy house) and I wonder which, if any, would be correct. I'm also wondering how the Gods are... I'm really hoping they are lenient and chill, it would kinda suck if they were all strict and whatnot.

Sorry if this post was too morbid for you buuuuuuut I kinda felt like I needed to write these things down and this seemed like an easy way to do it. (Microsoft Word?! The hell is that?)

P.S.

I am currently and have been applying for medicare/medicaid and other financial aid outlets. A sitting duck I refuse to be.