I think we've got somethin' special. Girl you and me.

Awesome day today! Woke up at 8:30, 8:35, 8:40, 8:45, and 8:50AM (snoozed). Went to the Museum of Science and Industry and met up with my close friend Kim, her sister, her brother and his girlfriend, and her astoundingly cute aunt (not in that way) hahaha. The original plan was for us to see Jim Henson's (creator of the muppets for those of you who don't know) Fantastic World exhibit, but we didn't have the time for it, so instead we saw the Smart Homes exhibit which was just as, if not more amazing.

There have been so many new innovations since the 90's. I am so impressed by how technologically advanced the house was, yet so green. Most of the furniture and appliances were made out of other recycled appliances. The house was technically small, but inside it felt so spacious and comforting! The best part were the large windows which turned out to be doors that opened completely. I know what house I'm going to have when I get rich.. oh yeah. Definitely go see it if you have the time and are in the Chicago area totally worth the 8 dollars.

Second most amazing thing about the museum was something I almost missed. It was a HUGE muppets themed gingerbread house by the ticket counters. Smelled friggin delicious.... :d

Afterwards we all went to this really nice restaurant on 33rd and Halsted called Nana. Small restaurant but everything on menu was organic and sounded so amazing... my mouth is watering just thinking about it. I got the smoked turkey pot pie which came with a side of apple mixed green salad (I'm saying mixed green because I dont know what the hell those greens were). It was absolutely delicious.... except for the piece of steel wool I found in my mouth.... yeah... wasn't too fond of it. Didn't bother me too much, but Kim insisted I tell them about it, which I did, and thanks to her, I got a free pot pie!! :D I love eating with friends, stuff like this always happens!!! bahahha.

Finally, I came home, took a three hour nap, watched an episode of Lie to Me because my brother has started watching the series, and learned the S**t Kingz choreography to "Something Special" by Usher, smooth piece, really love it, need to clean the ending.

**Sorry I don't have pictures, forgot to bring my camera back home and my phone can't transfer anything because the SD card is broken :/

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Alright, time for some insider thinking :D

I saw this prompt my friend Brian Kung used for one of his notes which read:

"Write about a future you who has learned a lot and has time traveled back to talk to you NOW"

I felt like talking about this.

(to high school jeff)

Yo, tubby.

There's a lot of things I have to tell you, because I'm assuming, I can't stay here long.

One. You need to start dancing NOW. Look up Lyle Beniga, Shaun Evaristo, Kyle Hanagami, the S**t Kingz, Mike Song, Anthony Lee, and Keone Madrid on Youtube and learn something, ANYTHING. Look up popping tutorials, look up locking tutorials, and look up breaking/top rocking tutorials. I know you think this stuff looks amazing, and I know you want to do it, but you're just too self-conscious and worried about what other people think. TRUST me, you don't need to give a shit about what they think, it'll only hold you back from being amazing.

Two, be more confident in what you do. Don't be a little bitch cowering behind doubt. If you want to do something, DO IT. If you want something WORK FOR IT. Don't be so dependent upon other people to get you what you want, get it your own damn self. Just don't be stupid about it.

Three, study your ass off in high school. I know I know, school is such a drag and blah blah blah. If you study now, you'll get straight A's, and you'll have a MUCH easier time in college. TRUST me. Just an hour a day at least will be a huge improvement, and I mean actual studying. No watching T.V., and doing homework does not count as studying. I can't tell you not to check facebook, because then we'd be a hypocrite and you know we hate those.

Four, WORK OUT. I know you hate being the fat kid in school. Start working out at home with push-ups, crunches, squats and shit. When you get your license, look up LA Fitness. It's right on Canal Street (also learn street names), and start going there. Mom will pay for it, she's tired of you being a fatass too. Also, DIET, stop eating all that high octane shit. It ain't good for you, and it'll hinder your slimmage.

Five, do not chase Cindy. You'll end up in multiple heartbreaks and she is not the girl for you. Which leads me to...

Six, I know you want to go to Northwestern University. Don't. Go to University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Join the Asian American Association and do their fashion show, and if you followed number one, you'll already want to. You'll meet the coolest people you've ever met, and form the closest relationships you've ever had, and you'll meet your first girlfriend there. She's beautiful and she's an amazing dancer ^^. Plus the education ain't half bad :]

Seven, your only real friends in High School are Henry, Matt Yau, basically the grade above you, and Colin Rouser. Everyone else is fake as hell. Don't mess with them.

Hope you wrote this shit down, homie.

Will learn the second dance tomorrow :]

Don't wake me up.

Lot of things went down today... kinda. Woke up and learned Lyle Beniga's "Make Me Wanna Dance" choreo. Not as hard as I thought it would be, the footwork looks intimidating, but it really isn't. It's actually a crapton of fun. :D

Played the Wii version of NBA Jam with my brother today too, made me reminisce of those SNES days.... I should really dust that thing off and play it... or you know, get an emulator. Same feeling, less blowing (into cartridges).

Also went to the optometrist today, which ended up to be a huge waste of time as my prescription has not changed at all. Though, I did find out that female optometrists are very attractive o.o Guys... not so much.

Afterwards, I hung out with Henry. The first friend I've seen all break. We danced, we laughed, I taught him choreography, he ate, and we had a small serious conversation (I miss those). it was a jolly good time *insert old rich guy laugh*

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Now that all that's out of the way. Let's talk about dreams.

This is actually a recurrent theme I bring up a lot with my girlfriend. The concept just really interests me. I mean, what is a dream really?

Is it just your neurons firing in random patterns making you think and visualize random visions and thoughts? I mean that would make sense, as most dreams are very random and a person doesn't really dream about something they don't know or can't conceptualize in their consciousness.. can they? Well, then comes in the idea of lucid dreaming, in which the dreamer is completely in control (theoretically) of their dream state, in which (once again theoretically) they can make themselves dream of new conceptions like a masterpiece painting they've never thought of, or a new recipe that they'd never heard of. Anything would theoretically possible as long as the dreamer wills it.

I think Carl Jung had a theory that dreams were just visions into what he called the "collective unconsciousness" which I interpreted as a connection of everyone's experiences and thoughts from the past, present, and future. This could mean that the ability to lucid dream is just the ability to control what you see in the collective. If present you wants to see a masterpiece painting, the idea that shows up is what future you has already conceptualized, or even, what someone else has conceptualized in their unconscious. Sorry if you're having trouble following me.

Another thing I wonder about dreams is why they are so fleeting... I'm fairly sure everyone has had a really weird dream in their life, and as soon as they wake up (unless they jot everything down) the dream will drain out of their mind unless they commit the details into memory extremely fast. Even then most people lose most of the dream anyways.

Hopefully I'll eventually be able to find out the truth about this. Whether in my lifetime, in my afterlife, or in a dream.

I just hope I don't forget it.

What is Love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no mo~

Today wasn't too bad. Actually got a lot done and no one yelled at anyone today. Everyone was also at work, but I'll take what I can get. ^^

Today I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Uma, that I've had for 5 years. She looked exactly the same, traditional indian clothing with a doctor's coat covered in pen scribbles all over it. It was really nice seeing her, as it always is. I also saw my other oncologist Dr. Nachman, who surprisingly offered me a summer job in one of his research labs (SCORE) and I'd actually get paid (DOUBLE SCORE). I just gotta fill out the paperwork, and hope to the Gods that I don't fuck anything up.... which shouldn't be the case *knock on wood* because I'm pretty decent with biological lab work.

Only problem at the hospital was that the nurse that drew my blood was a complete noob (what else is new) and missed the vein on her first stab and got my nerve instead, which made my arm twitch. Then on her second stab, she.... got my nerve AGAIN.. in the SAME SPOT. Needless to say, that hurt like a bitch... buuuut she got the job done in the end, so a sore arm isn't too bad of a trade-off for knowing that I'm not going to die from anemia. We cool, noob nurse, we cool. :]

rest of the day was pretty nice. Learned the rest of Ian Eastwoods "Please Don't Go" choreography and I also learned Keone's choreo to "Got No Worries" . I still need some cleaning in both dances, but I basically can do them. Maybe I'll work on Sh*t Kingz's "Something Special" or Keone and Ian's choreo to "Rock that Body"... MAYBE BOTH :O

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Alright now to what I wanted to talk about. Today I read something about Love that really intrigued me. This guy said that Love is when you can see the flaws of a person, and still have strong positive feelings for them.

I disagree.

I believe that Love is when you are in a relationship and you don't see flaws anymore. Early on in any relationship, there are always going to be at least one noticeable thing that you don't like about your significant other, but I think that if you really loved them, eventually, you wouldn't think about those characteristics as flaws, but rather traits that you love because it's something that makes them who they are.... if that makes sense.

Of course, I'm not sure if that's too improbable for anyone to truly find in a person. I've only got about a month and a half of relationship experience under my belt, so this could all be just speculation from the hopeless romantic that resides in me.

What do you think?

Home Sweet Home

hah, yeah fucking right. The person who came up with that saying should be stabbed in the eye.

Yep, I am once again in the place where I grew up, and only 26 hours and 14 minutes into my return, I've already had to become a damn mediator over my brother and my mother. I JUST finished arguing with my mother over what she did wrong; of which she heard zilch (not surprising, this is the fourth time I've told her the same shit)... next time I'm just going to tell her get out of my room and save myself from some stress-induced heart failure.

I see my friends and how their relationships with their parents are, and I really envy them. They seem so close and they smile when they talk or think of each other. They actually have conversations to each other when they're on the phone. Nothing would make me happier than being able to actually have a serious talk or discussion with my mother without her complaining about something or yelling about something... I want to talk to my pre-cancer mother; the strong woman who actually believed that she could do anything, and then do it... it saddens me to think that I'll never see her again.

This shit has just made me think about what home really is. Since I returned for my sophomore year of college, I've dreaded the idea of coming back here. There really is no happiness within these doors for me. The closest thing I can get to happiness is apathy, but even that is tainted by the fear that something will go down, or someone will start something. I was supposed to go down to the basement and start working out and dancing.. but I just can't, I'm so angry and stressed, and I don't want to associate those feelings with hip-hop or my dancing.

It's all just made me realize that where I am right now isn't really my home (note that I never referred to it as "home"). Someone said before that you'll always have a home with your family. yeah, bullshit. My "family" has tried kicking me out on more than one occasion. I believe that home is where you are the happiest. I guess that means my current home is in Urbana. That means that my friends are my family and my house is in my dorm.

Siigh..

I don't know how much more I can take of this.

Time to get my shit straight.

Alright, so lately I've been slacking in just about everything.

I've been kinda "meh" about school now, and like, I've lost sight of my goals in life. I'm sleeping at like 4AM for no reason and because of that, I think it's okay that I'm sleeping in my classes; because "I can't help it, I didn't have a good nights sleep *snooore*". Freaking obvious, retard, you went to bed at 4AM because you HAD to play tetris. Dumbass...

I've also been slacking off on going at the gym. I can barely see my abs anymore, which are now MUCH more flabby than before. While I know I can't go to the gym everyday, I should have stuck with my 3-day a week schedule. I didn't keep up with jack shiet. This also kind of ties into my sleeping thing because I nap like 2 hours a day to catch up on sleep. 2 hours in which I could have worked out and got healthier.

My attitude towards school and academics is also starting to waver, which is so detrimental to my studies. No one is going to study properly if they think that what they're studying is boring; it's just not going to happen. You're always going to think of something else you'd rather be doing. So obviously, I've fallen way behind in all my classes. Even when I have time to catch up, I usually end up playing Starcraft or some other shit that won't help me in the future.

I'd feel better if I spent this time dancing, but even that something I love doing, I've been slacking in. Nowadays the only times I get to dance are at the weekly Dance2XS clinics, or at Fashion Show practices, which honestly, are more like work than anything. I've gotten SO SLOPPY and I have no excuse for this.

The only thing that comes out of this is me feeling guilty and like a piece of shit because I can't get anything done.

This is unacceptable.

My friend Don recently told me "If you want to, you can" and I feel like such a hypocrite because I've been preaching this line to people for a while now and can't follow through with it myself.

I want to be interested in my studies, I want to be stronger and fit, and GOD DAMMIT I want to improve my dancing ability.

From now on, I sleep at a REASONABLE hour, at LEAST 7-8 hours of sleep.

From now on, I get my academic shit done IN ADVANCE. No more waiting until 3 hours before the shit is due. No more all-nighters, and if I follow the former, that shouldn't be an issue.

From now on, I go to the gym on Tuesdays right after my lab, for at least 1 and a half hours, with at least 30 minutes cardio or at least 3 miles completed; whichever comes later. I'm going to be ripped by next fall.

Finally, from now on, I start dancing and choreographing more than one day a week. I'll spend at least 30 minutes every other day learning or refining choreography.

It's time I take control of my life.

The Show Goes On

I had a large ass post about 2 minutes ago.

Then I decided to condense it down to this:

I feel like shit.

Peace.