Thursday, August 12, 2010

*Whew*... Alright.

**WARNING** I'm halfway through my post, and I'm noticing that grammatical errors are becoming plentiful. I'm way too liberal with my use of parentheses, I know that and I will fix that problem in future posts, right now, I need to get my thoughts down. I'm also realizing that I'm toning the story waay down by leaving out a lot of details...

I was originally going to try and do a video post type of thing (was actually really excited to do so) to update you guys on what has been going on, but after a long, fruitless talk with my mom about my brother and their yelling and-- ugh, let me elaborate.

It's been a rough week for me. Well, if you actually put it on paper it's been a rough life (ask anyone who knows), but I'm just going to stick with the week here.

Before we begin, here's a little tidbit about myself: I do not live in a happy household. I have a deadbeat father who's more like a physically and mentally abusive parasite than anything, a loose-cannon of a brother who hates said parasite for reasons which I will explain later and takes it out on my mom, who, feels like she can fix all the trouble by yelling at everyone about everything wrong (Yeah, I know, how is that not working?). Don't get me wrong, I have my problems to add too, but I think I'd be biased in my word choice, so I'll leave it at that.

The bad week started on Saturday night, around 9PM. My brother just picked up my mom from work and apparently they had one of their arguments on the way home. This was nothing new. They argue about the same shit everytime, my dad stealing about $4,000 from my brother, threatening his girlfriend (Yup, that's ol' pops for ya), and my brother wanting to kick him out of the house. Normally, they argue for about 30 minutes, stop talking to each other but stay angry, go to bed, then reset the next day. This time, it was different. They argued for about two hours, then for some reason my mom brought my dad into the mix so he and my brother could grind the situation out (because my dad still denies he did anything/anything wrong). My mom claims she thought they would talk it out like civilized people (she is not a smart one....), INSTEAD what they do is get into a screaming match. Note that I was doing what I always did in these situations: stay in my room and not give a shit because it didn't have anything to do with me (technically it did, because my dad stole about $2,500 from me first, but he's been so abusive to me over the years I kinda just shrugged it off as another one of those "Yup, you got a shitty dad" events).

When the screaming match almost turned into a full-out brawl, I quickly lept out of my chair, ran outside my room, and forcefully separated my brother and my father (thank the Gods I worked out this summer.... my money would've been on my brother though, cigarettes and deceit have made my father frail). I think that it was at this point that my normal run-of-the-mill dysfunctional family became a broken home. I had to separate my bickering brother and parents, and force them to talk their problems out like adults (apparently, I'm the only one around...) and keep them on track with their arguments. Right then, I realized that, I, the youngest person in the "family", was the most mature and rational person out of a 22 year old and two 50 somethin's...Really?

Because, contrary to popular belief, a problem does not fix itself, this entire week I've been talking to my mom and brother (I find it pointless to talk to my dad because I'm fairly sure I'd end up punching him in the throat) trying to get them to grow up and make amends. Even so, nothing has changed. My brother won't talk to my mom or dad, my dad is.. well, he's exactly the same, and I think my mom is literally one "Fuck you" away from disowning my brother entirely. Just before I started writing this, I had to endure a yelling session about how my brother is a shitty son because he didn't say "Hi" to my mom when he PICKED HER UP FROM WORK OUT OF LOVE. Through this, I've verified my hypothesis on why nothing has changed: no one is listening to me. The only reason I'm able to write this right now is because I found out that these people literally tune me out when I try to reason with them. Tonight, I was trying to make a point to my mom, asked her to verify the logic, and all I got was "What did you say?" from my mom while she stared at a bowl of grapes. It was at that point that I have officially given up on trying to save this family. I reprimanded (well, yelled at) my mom for not listening, promptly closed my door, locked it, and started writing this; otherwise, I'd still be trying to reason with her. I'm so ashamed that things turned out this way. I can barely even look at my family...

I've always said that people never truly change until they've hit rock bottom. If this wasn't it for them, I can't even begin to imagine what is. I'm moving back to Urbana in about 4 days, and on that fourth day, I'm going to leave all of this behind me. It's a dick move, yes, I know. Should I give up on my family? No, but I'm literally out of moves here. They're all too stubborn to apologize or change their ways. You can't help someone if they don't want to be helped, and obviously, they don't want my help, or at least, they won't accept it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family (well, two of them anyways) and will do anything for them (two of them, anyways).

I'd like to thank my friends Kim and Colin for giving me support throughout this rough patch. It really helped me get over my initial wave of sadness. I love you guys, thank you so much.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Last Night My Family Fell Apart

That is all.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Heart NY... kinda

Alright, so it took me about 2 days to finish the SC2 campaign (really freakin' good story, can't wait for Heart of the Swarm *insert girlish squeal*). As promised I will share about my experiences in NY.

Day 1:
'nuff said.

Today was more of a sightseeing expedition. I'm not too much of a sightsee-er or shopper, so
today was kinda boring for me. Went to Chinatown in the morning and had some Beef Ho Fun for lunch at NY Noodle King *drool*; second best I've ever had.
Remember, it ain't good if it ain't glistening.

Then we took a ferry to Staten Island, just to take it back, it was really relaxing. I kinda fell asleep on the way back... oh well. The skyline is really beautiful, especially because all of the skyscrapers are basically the same height so everything is kinda level; unlike the Chicago skyline where the Sears Tower (No, I will not call it the Willis Tower just as U.S. Cellular Field is still Comiskey Park) makes all the other buildings look miniscule.

Finally, we went and saw Ground Zero. I had such an overwhelming feeling when I was standing there. I can't really describe it, it wasn't sad, it wasn't anger, I mean, I don't really know what kind of emotion it was, but all I could do was just stay silent and contemplate. Maybe you know the feeling?

Another sightseeing day. Went to the Financial District (saw a very cute girl near the NYSE), NoHo, SoHo, NYU (not that impressive, no offense), and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. It was hot as balls today.

Well, this is where the pictures end, because I kinda stopped taking them...

Probably the best day of the trip. Woke up and went over to the Broadway Dance Center on 8th and 45th. Met up with my good friend Alex and we took 3 classes that day. First up was my waving/popping class. I forget who was subbing in for Future that day, but I remember being a bit disappointed when I saw him because he was pretty fat, and I wrongly judged a book by its cover. This man was amazing. He is a real testament to how much a person can control their body. He could control each individual muscle (literally) and make micro-waves throughout his body just by flexing certain muscles in succession. I could not stop smiling when I saw him dance. This was the class where I also went into the center of my first cypher; and although
I'm positive I sucked balls (figuratively), Alex was proud of me.

Second class was a hip-hop choreography type class. The regular teacher, Bev, was also out that day; also disappointing because she's a two time cancer survivor and I wanted to talk to her about it... Oh well. Anyways, her substitute was a loud, domineering, half white half Asian girl named Christine. She was hot, so I didn't mind. It was kind of a normal choreo class, nothing TOO special, still a lot of fun though. I was kinda surprised I could keep up with the pace of the class; I guess I've gotten a little better. Also this was when I realized my sweaty gene has turned on because I was drippin' waterfalls out my face.

Third class was an extra one that I wasn't planning to take, but I'm really glad I did take it. It was a b-boy class taught by this really cool dude named Abstract. I've never had any real experience with b-boying so this was really new to me. I learned so many things from this class, and it really got me more interested in b-boying. I have so much to work on.

Woke up in Alex's house (which is really nice......). Went downstairs and made pancakes with him. First couple came out nasty and burnt (you can kinda see it on the bottom of the stack)because neither one of us really knew when to flip the pancake (I never made pancakes with a mix before, and I didn't really know his stove, I kinda just wing it at home and it turns out alright). After a couple, they were alright. Ate some pancakes, and I took a nap because for some reason I was hella tired. Woke up an hour later and met Alex's friends Richard and Brian (cool guys). Went to McDonalds for ice cream and played in the playpen which was surprisingly REALLY FUN. (*sidenote* uploading pictures really suck not because I have to drag them down 87 paragraphs of text... I'm also realizing that I have more pictures than I thought I did).

At around 5PM, we took a bus back to NYC and went back to the dance studio so I could take my locking class. The teacher was a guy named Spex and HOLY CRAP LOCKING IS SO MUCH FUN. There's so many elements to it and it's just so funky you can't help but to enjoy yourself.


Today was really nice, Alex and I drove about an hour to meet my friend Christine (no relation to the aforementioned Christine). We went to Short Hills mall, which is kind of like the Water Tower Place for us who were born and raised in the Chi (expensive as hell, yo) . Main reason for going to Short Hills was to eat at the California Pizza Kitchen.... yeah, I don't know either, but it was nice.

Afterwards we hung out in Christine's tiny town for a while. I've never been in such a small town before, so it was a nice experience. We got a small tour of the main street and we went to a park (where I almost caught a duck) and just chilled (figuratively, it was hot as balls on this day too, and it was humid). Small towns like that are much more peaceful than the city, which is cool, but it's not really for me.

**my hair lookin kinda weird in this picture, but whatever

That night Alex and I went to an Applebee's (first time for me) and just got a bunch of appetizers and just talked. I haven't done that with him in such a long time (it'll probably be the last one for a while...). It was really nice. I also got got 19 dollars in change for a bill I gave 12 dollars for. Win. Afterwards, we just drove around talking and looking and really, really, REALLY nice mansions in New Jersey... So jealous.. but yeah, learned a lot that night.

Had to go back to NYC at meet up with my friends again. Watched Forrest Gump with my friend XiXi (sort of, she was back in Illinois, we kinda just chatted and laughed at random parts of the movie through AIM) Love that movie...

Today was the last day (thank God, because I'm tired of typing this as I'm sure you're tired of reading it). Checked out of the Holiday Inn and went out on the town. Had the BEST BURGER I've ever had in my life at a place called the Shake Shack. It's in the Madison Square Park, look it up. Waited about an hour in line for a Shack Stack (basically a mix between their mushroom burger and a regular burger) and Fries (not so good). The mushroom aspect of the burger was amazing, it was basically a deep fried portabello mushroom, and when you bite into it, a bunch of gooey cheese comes along for the ride, Good. Shit. Small burger, kinda pricey, but definitely worth it.... Jesus, my mouth is watering just thinking about it...

Anyways, that was my trip. Haha, anti-climactic endings for the win. :]

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Hell, it's about time.

Alright, so it's 3 in the AM. Got back from NYC about 4-5 hours ago.

In those 4-5 hours, I spent my time installing and enjoying Starcraft 2.

For those who don't know, I'm a total geek/nerd/dork (shocker). I've always loved video games but Starcraft has always held a real special place in my heart. It was actually the first computer game I've ever played. I still remember my cousin's (now ex) boyfriend showing me the game in what seems like a decade ago. I had never seen anything like it before. Blood, warfare, and explosions, everything a growing asian boy needs in his life all in one beautiful package. Really, unless you've experienced what I (and most of my guy friends along with all of Korea) did years ago with the first Starcraft, you really wouldn't understand how big of a deal it was when Blizzard announced Starcraft 2.

When I initially heard about it, I shat a brick. My childhood came rushing back to me and I felt nothing but excitement since then. I've eagerly anticipated this day for a long, long time; and it did not disappoint. The visuals are spectacular, the story (from what I've gone through so far) is captivating, and the voice acting is still pretty good. Gameplay has a new yet familiar feeling as most of the controls and units are the same, but the new additions require new strategies to be formulated and properly executed. The campaign missions are much more in-depth and the characters are more developed due to the addition of cut-scenes rather than scrolling text and facial displays.

Good. Shit.

NYC video thing kinda didn't work out. Will post up my adventure when I finish the campaign in SC2; which will probably be tomorrow.