Saturday, July 24, 2010

Empire State of Mind

It is 4:15 in the AM here in Chicago.

I just "woke up" 5 minutes ago so I could eat breakfast (currently on a low iodine diet.... frickin sucks, yo, but more on that later). "Por Que?" You may be asking? Well, it's because in about 45 minutes, I'm going to be in car, on the way to Midway Airport to get on a flight to NYC :D

I'm actually REALLY excited (and tired) about this trip because one, I get to see my friend Alex who I haven't seen in months, two, I get to take professional (I assume) dance classes with said friend Alex, and three, it's my first trip out of state with just friends. Yeah, crazy, I know.

Right now, the plan for me is to document most of my trip on video, and I'll also be writing about each day, sort of like a journal (*cough* diary *cough*) .... shut up brain. ANYWAYS, not really sure whether I'm going to just post up all my videos or just take out snippets and make a video montage thing.... that's a problem for future KC.

So far, from what I can tell, this is my itinerary for NY (not in any specific order):
1. Go to NY
2. Go to Queens (god dammit I'm going to get shanked....)
3. Check into hotel
4. Go to Pokemon Center (?)
5. Go see the Cake Boss (sweet)
6. Go meet up with Alex...somehow?
7. take dance classes and get beastly (Woo, popping and locking)
8. eat
9. Sleep.
10. Go shopping.
11. Something with Times Square, I assume.

Thaaaat's basically it.... hmm... I don't think that's going to last me a week... dang. Oh well, we'll probably just wing it.


Please God, do not strike my plane down with lightning. 'kaythanks.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Not much has been going on in my life. No thoughts have been flowing through my head. The mind of chaos has become the mind of.... whatever the hell's happening on that episode of "How I Met Your Mother"

This. Is. A. Problem.

Maybe that's why I've been so....down lately. Maybe that's why I can't think of any choreography. Maybe that's why I'm so....fatigued all the time.... I don't know. This shit is not flyin'.... I remember a couple weeks back when I couldn't stop thinking, about ANYTHING. Life seemed so interesting and bright back then. Even on my most boring day, I'd be occupied with the thoughts of girl(s) (don't judge me) or new dances and dance techniques I could learn. Now, everything's just sort of...died down and I can see myself slowly reverting back to my old, pre-college self (who sucks compared to what I became in college.... man that sounded narcissistic). I'm really ashamed to say this but now dance seems more like work, I can't choreograph worth a shit, and that I'm not even thinking about girl(s) (preemptive no I'm not thinking about guys instead). It's just dead up there.

Which is why I'm glad to say I feel things are really going to change (oh shit, a twist?! whaaaat?); all thanks to two things.

One being The LXD (League of Extraordinary Dancers). If you haven't heard of them, even if you're not into dance, please check them out on Hulu. Everyone is so talented and are so good at conveying emotion through their movements. It is really amazing, especially Robot Lovestory. Watching their videos is slowly re-invigorating my drive to dance, and I'm REALLY hoping my trip to New York will be the (FIGURATIVE) kick in the gnads I need to really get back deep into dance.

The second being an e-mail I recieved from my friend Don Mach (Remember the guy I was talking about in my summer dance post? Yeah that's him). In it, he wrote a lot about what's going on in his life, and holy shit people, it is very impressive. Just reading about it has got me thinking about the goals in my life and how I can achieve them. Thanks, Don.

Shit is about to get real, son.


Here's a "poem" from Robot Lovestory that really touched me.

Life is not fair.
Sometimes dreams do not come true
Sometimes you're not the hero in the story of your life
and sometimes people die before they are supposed to
Life is not fair....
but fair has nothing to do with who you are inside, what you dream about, who you love, or what you stand for.
Life cannot touch that.
War cannot touch that.
Doctors... dark.... dark.. doctors.. cannot touch that


Workout update:
Today: Abs
Reeeeally shitty workout today. Too many people at the gym in the afternoon.
Decline Sit-ups: Normal
Captains Chairs/Leg Lifts: Moved on to 20 reps. That is good, stay there for now
Hyper Extensions: Normal
Oblique Rotations: Move down to 105. 110 is too much for now.
No cardio because the pool was full.... bahh.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Alright, so I've got a couple of things to talk about tonight.

I just came back from my first "JHAM" (pronounced "jam") session. What's a JAHM session? Glad you asked. A JHAM session is something where me and my friends (Henry, Andrew, and Matt) just congregate and talk about.... let's just say... things that aren't necessarily PG, if ya know what I'm spittin'. Now let's be clear, while some of the topics themselves are considered dirty (not all of them are), the way we have our discussions are anything but. We discuss in a very civilized manner and do not stray into smut talk. I think that this is a very healthy thing to do and everyone should find someone(s) to talk about things of that nature. You'd be surprised at what you'd learn about your friends and definitely be surprised at what you'd learn about yourself. I can't say for those who have been in a relationship, but for those who haven't (like myself....*le sad face*) you kind of assume that you'd know what to do once you're in one; through the session, I found out that I don't really know a lot about it (shouldn't have been surprising), but talking with friends about it definitely helped. I think being able to talk about things like this really helps one mature. Hopefully you guys find your own JHAM Session. If I know you, don't be shy to ask me to be part of it, I wouldn't mind :D

Moving on.... there was something we grazed over during our JHAM session that really got me thinking. I won't go into detail about what we were talking about because anything said during a JHAM session is and will forever be confidential. This wasn't really a topic we were discussing, but something said kinda sparked this in my head....

I'm sure people have noticed that there is a, I guess, double standard between men and women on a plethora of topics. One namely, being gays and lesbians. Lesbians together = hot for men and sometimes hot for women, gays together = not so hot for anyone besides gay men (not saying they shouldn't be together, just saying society doesn't see them in the same attractiveness as lesbians). Why is that?

That also brings me to another topic I just remembered. Yesterday my friend Colin and I got into a discussion about the aesthetics of the human body. That got me thinking too (this happens a lot); personally, I think the female body is a beautiful thing (no I don't mean that in a pervy way) I actually think it's a a beautiful creation. Guy's body on the other hand, again, not so much. Just throwing this out there, for any ladies reading this (I'm counting 3 of you so far haha) do you see this in reverse? Do you think a guy's body is a thing of beauty? Just curious.


I think I'mma start writing some shit that you probably don't care about down here seperated by the line of underscores. These are literally the thoughts that are in my head as I'm finishing this up. Feel free to disregard.

hmmmm... I think I'm going to have to get some new wife beaters, the ones my brother bought me are kinda thin and too big.... showin a little more cleavage than I want to..... also need to lose the rest of my spare tire...

Workout update (biting this from Kim's blog, I don't care this is mainly for me to check and maintain progress):

Today was shoulders and back...
Shoulder Shrugs: 2x 40lb dumbells, 3 sets, 20 reps. may move on to 45 next time. No significant muscle growth yet.
Military Presses: 2x 30lb dumbells, 3 sets, 10 reps. stay here for now, that shit was hard.
Rowing machine: 1 set 90lbs, 2 sets 105lbs. Stay at 105.
Reverse Pec Flys: 3 sets 70lbs, 10 reps. Maybe move to 75.
Deadlifts: 3 sets 50lbs, move to 60.
Swimming: 15 laps (non-consecutive) freestyle. Put your swimming stuff in the wash o.o (gah, shit, I forgot)

(Gah, got sidetracked and played SC2... woo, I won :D ) anyways..

Tomorrow: Abs and Legs
Decline sit-ups: - add 10-20 more sit-ups at 20 degree decline with 15lb weight if possible.
Oblique rotation: move up to 100lbs, maybe 105.
Captains Chairs/Leg Lifts: Stop being a bitch and do 6 sets. (yessir)
Hyper extensions: Do 20 reps for back, stick with 10 for the sides.
Quad stuff: Super set, keep at it.
Calf stuff: move up to 55lbs.
Elliptical: Go for 3+ miles depending on how long the others play racket(raquet?)ball

I finna win, Kim. I thought of a wager for if and when you lose :D tasteful, but still a tad humiliating. bwahahaha.

God damn, I need a girl.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

I live for days like these.

Hooooo... that was a fun day.

Today, I got to have dinner and hang out with some really good friends. We went to this upscale but cheap-for-upscale-chinese-food restaurant called Han202. The food was decently priced, and although the portions were small, everything was delicious. I had blue crab wonton soup, a beef and green apple salad (not the healthiest salad out there, but damn delicious), walnut shrimp, rack of lamb with wild rice (even though this was only my second time having lamb, I can easily say it's my favorite meat), and a truffle.

Afterwards we went back to my friend Cindy's house where we played "ninja" with my best friend's little cousins for about an hour or two. Such a simple and child-like game, but it was so fun. I felt like a kid again which is something I haven't felt like in a long, long, long time (although most would say I feel like that most of the time, or at least act the part haha). Then we surprised two of my friends with a cake that my friend Teresa made (she is damn good at baking) and some cards that my friend Eda made that we all signed. We ate the cake and headed outside for some picture taking and just plain goofing off. The girls decided to take an all girls picture, so of course, the guys had to take an all guys picture. However, instead of being lame and standing in a line like the girls did, we decided just to do a bunch of crazy, borderline gay things like carry one another in our arms (on a sidenote, I can easily lift 140 pounds now! Gym for the win mwahahaha), holding up a friend who's standing on our hands cheerleader style (that one scared the shit outta me cause my friend was so wobbly), or letting a girl sit on our shoulders.

What I thought was really great was that even though I hadn't seen most of these people for months (maybe even a year ago) we picked up our friendship instantly. Even those people who I didn't really know, or didn't know at all, treated me like I was their friend for years. It's people like these that I really love. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.

So far, what I've described is a great day to me. What made this particular day amazing was that I actually had time to myself today from about 12:00PM to about 3:00PM, which is extremely rare nowadays because my brother or my mom are (is?) always home and because of that, I don't get to play the music I like loudly and I certainly don't get to dance with the freedom I need. Today, I plugged in my laptop into my flat screen, and just learned choreography without anyone judging me, yelling at me, or just making me feel awkward. It. was. wonderful.

Today was just the epitome of everything I hoped to do during the summer. I ate, I danced, I hung out with friends, I chilled, and I had fun.

What more could anyone ask for?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

6 Feet Under

Hmm, so my medical insurance has finally run out and honestly, I have never felt more vulnerable in my life. There are so many things wrong with me right now (most of which no one knows about.. shhhhhh), and I can't do a damn thing about them because there is not enough money in the world to pay for medical expenses.... well, that's a problem; albeit one I can't fix and that I'd rather not rant about right now. Maybe some other day... hmm...

Aaaaaanyways, because of this new development, I've been thinking about death quite a bit. Now now, don't get ahead of me, this isn't an emo/pessimistic type of thing (let's get this really straight, I'm not looking for pity, I'm definitely not sad or depressed, and I'm not saying that I'm dying soon). This is just a practical/hypothetical view if anything. Just, if I were to find out that I had a short period of time to live, what loose ends would I have to tie up before I went... let's see what I come up with, shall we?

1. Donate half of my savings and whatnot to cancer research. Write the rest to my brother (I'd write half to my mom, but she'd end up writing it to my brother anyways, just cutting out the middleman here) Physical things are up for grabs unless I hate you.
2. Say my goodbyes to the people who really matter in my life.... so far I'm counting about 10 people.
3. Tell girl I'm interested in how I feel 'cause hey, it won't matter if I get rejected at this point. Shieet, I'm about to die son. Bitch-move? Yes. Would I care? Not really. If I have a girlfriend at that point (hah, right) I'd tell her I love her and spend as much time as possible with her.
4. Buy a nice-lookin suit for my funeral, even if I decide to be cremated, I'd still like to look good while I'm burning.
5. Confront every single fear I have and conquer them (if I have the time), which would mean having to sky dive and getting a pet spider and centipede.... eesh that's going to suck.
6. Rebuild as many burned bridges as possible, literally and figuratively.
7. Charge my ipod and fill with good music. I would like to listen to it as I'm being buried and/or burned.
8. Choreograph something, learn a piece of choreography, and learn one last freeze.
9 Get someone to prop my arms up so people can give me a post mortem hug like in Scrubs. ( kidding... kinda.. hehehehe)
10. and most important: GET LAID (also kidding, no hookers for me thank you very much, I'd rather die without the clap)

I think that should be enough, yes? I kinda think everyone should have one of these lists.

Weird thing is, as I think about my death, I don't feel any fear (I suppose that's easy for me to say as I'm not exactly on my deathbed; I'm prolly going to be shittin' bricks when that time comes) quite the opposite actually. Especially because I've been thinking about religions and whatnot too, I'm really curious to see what happens in the afterlife. I have quite a number of theories (most of which would land me in a crazy house) and I wonder which, if any, would be correct. I'm also wondering how the Gods are... I'm really hoping they are lenient and chill, it would kinda suck if they were all strict and whatnot.

Sorry if this post was too morbid for you buuuuuuut I kinda felt like I needed to write these things down and this seemed like an easy way to do it. (Microsoft Word?! The hell is that?)

I am currently and have been applying for medicare/medicaid and other financial aid outlets. A sitting duck I refuse to be.