Monday, April 25, 2011

Meaning of Perfection Pt. 2

I'm done studying for the night, but I wanted to write a little somethin' somethin' before I turned in.

I will admit my journey towards perfection has slowed down a bit. Especially this weekend.

Academically, I slipped up some because I've just lost focus especially now, cramming studying for my physics exam tomorrow and my MCB lab exam on Tuesday, I still can't seem to focus on studying. Physical-wise, I'm not doing too bad. I've dropped 10lbs in some of my workouts, but can now run a mile and some without much problem. Dancing has stopped a bit because of school and finals week coming up. Hopefully I can get back on track by tomorrow.

Alright let's pick up where I left off.

I want to first address the situation with the cancer. I am not better. Like I said in my previous post, the pain never fades; and it doesn't. This is something I have to live with, and times do get hard sometimes; and that day was one of those times. We have to live with what has happened to us. I can't change the fact that I've had cancer, I can only work with it. That's part of the reason I need to become my vision of perfect. I need to make myself as a person so amazing, so the cancer is the last thing that anyone thinks of. It's so that I can believe that I didn't deserve it, that I've risen above it.

As for relationships. Well, I think I'm actually over Robin now. I think the reason why I was so attached to her was that without her, things didn't feel normal. After hanging out with her everyday for months, having a void in my life where she used to be seemed wrong; and I guess I wanted to fix that the easy way (figuratively easy) by trying to get her back. We have a lot of things in common, but a lot of those things are quite superficial. The things that really matter, we probably could not be further apart. The things we want in life are completely different, and you can't make a lasting relationship out of that. While we were together, we had a lot of happy times, but there were a lot more sad ones, and relationships shouldn't be rollercoasting like the way ours did. Not to say I regret it; not at all, I actually got a lot out of the relationship and out of the break-up, like my first kiss, learning what women really want (most of the time, because women never really know what they want), a new way to tie my headphones, appreciation of Korean food and culture, learning more about what I want in a girlfriend, the drive to better myself, etc. I actually learned a lot about this from the Wong Fu video "Strangers, Again" (amazing video). The sad thing about all this is, Robin is slowly becoming a stranger to me again. As each day passes, I have less and less energy to put forth all the effort of salvaging our friendship, and sooner or later, sad to say our lives will end up being separated.

As for other girls. I don't really have time for that at the moment. I'm already struggling to keep my academic, emotional, and physical status at a certain level. I don't have the time or energy to build someone else up too. again, not to say that I wouldn't get into a relationship, if the opportunity arises, I will take it. But, then again, I'm not really looking for opportunities now am I?

It just seems at this point in my life, it's not practical to get a girlfriend. It's just like in high school. You'll have a sweetheart that you'll think will be with you forever, but you graduate and move to different colleges. It's the same in college, except, there is even less of a chance you two will end up in the same area. Who knows which med school will take me in, if any. I don't want to get into a relationship just to inevitably break it off in two years.

There are probably some of you who are thinking "Man, why are you thinking about the future like that? Just enjoy your life now you don't know what will happen". I'll say that I can see your point, but I kinda disagree. True, I don't know what will happen, but I do understand the concept of probability; and there is a high ass mother f*cking chance that I'd have to break up with the girl if I ended up going to another state for school. I do not believe in long distance relationship for the sole reason that I'm a paranoid PoS, and my mind is going to be riddled with questions about who's dicking my girlfriend. Not worth it.

I think I have more to say on the subject, but I'm about ready to pass out.

watch the video. It's very eye-opening.


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