Relationships.

More and more I hear about drama in the relationships around me.

Anyone who's followed this blog knows that this is a big part of what I like to talk about, and really, a big part of my life. I've "recently" gone through heartbreak, and while everything is fine, the experience changed my life forever. How can something so intangible as love for another person alter a person so much?

Let's start with the basics.

**Note - the next few paragraphs are just speculation from what I've learned, I'm no expert on love or anything, this is just my opinion**

95% of women--no, 95% of any given person (mentally/personality wise), is the same as any other. It's that 5% that makes you different.

It's that 5% which makes no relationship similar to any other. Rather, that's what makes no one person similar to any other. Just as all snowflakes are different, yet they are all made up of water; just as we are all different, but are all just flesh and bone.

Now in that 5% is all the nuances of your personality that make you who you are. Your likes, dislikes, temperament, what you're attracted to, etc. For those of you trying to chase that perfect guy/girl, this 5% can either be heaven or hell for you. It can make and break your relationship.

It's that 5% that causes all the drama. There's no two people on the world that fit perfectly together, and there's bound to be disagreements or something that one person doesn't like about the other and that's when arguments can start, resentment, and scorn. When that happens, wave the white flag and say "gg" ("good game" for those of you who don't game all the time and have self respect *cough*) cause you've just lost. Personalities always clash at one point or another, it's just whether you care enough to listen and see what your significant other means to you. Otherwise, one will take the other for granted, leaving both parties angry, sad, and eventually hurt.

So why do we do this?

Why do we get into relationships even though it's probably a less than 1% chance something amazing will happen?

Why do we get into relationships even though we get hurt in the worst way?

It doesn't make sense does it? I mean, you don't put your hand over a fire again and again, hoping for a different outcome, right?

So why do we do this?

Here's my take:

Humans are social creatures, and I feel like a real relationship is the ultimate connection with another being.

To be love and be loved in an intimate way is the most personal you can get with someone. It's an amazing, indescribable feeling. When it's done right and you're attuned to your significant other, even for a second, I think that there's no better happiness.

That's why we try and try again. Once you've had a taste of the "forbidden fruit" (no, I don't mean sex) you really can't live without it.

It's so we can find that person we can completely break down our walls and become completely vulnerable; because we know our other will be there. I think everyone just wants that feeling. To finally be able to let your guard down.

Well that's my take, if you don't mind sharing yours, I'd be glad to listen. :]

Meaning of Perfection Pt. 2

I'm done studying for the night, but I wanted to write a little somethin' somethin' before I turned in.

I will admit my journey towards perfection has slowed down a bit. Especially this weekend.

Academically, I slipped up some because I've just lost focus especially now, cramming studying for my physics exam tomorrow and my MCB lab exam on Tuesday, I still can't seem to focus on studying. Physical-wise, I'm not doing too bad. I've dropped 10lbs in some of my workouts, but can now run a mile and some without much problem. Dancing has stopped a bit because of school and finals week coming up. Hopefully I can get back on track by tomorrow.

Alright let's pick up where I left off.

I want to first address the situation with the cancer. I am not better. Like I said in my previous post, the pain never fades; and it doesn't. This is something I have to live with, and times do get hard sometimes; and that day was one of those times. We have to live with what has happened to us. I can't change the fact that I've had cancer, I can only work with it. That's part of the reason I need to become my vision of perfect. I need to make myself as a person so amazing, so the cancer is the last thing that anyone thinks of. It's so that I can believe that I didn't deserve it, that I've risen above it.

As for relationships. Well, I think I'm actually over Robin now. I think the reason why I was so attached to her was that without her, things didn't feel normal. After hanging out with her everyday for months, having a void in my life where she used to be seemed wrong; and I guess I wanted to fix that the easy way (figuratively easy) by trying to get her back. We have a lot of things in common, but a lot of those things are quite superficial. The things that really matter, we probably could not be further apart. The things we want in life are completely different, and you can't make a lasting relationship out of that. While we were together, we had a lot of happy times, but there were a lot more sad ones, and relationships shouldn't be rollercoasting like the way ours did. Not to say I regret it; not at all, I actually got a lot out of the relationship and out of the break-up, like my first kiss, learning what women really want (most of the time, because women never really know what they want), a new way to tie my headphones, appreciation of Korean food and culture, learning more about what I want in a girlfriend, the drive to better myself, etc. I actually learned a lot about this from the Wong Fu video "Strangers, Again" (amazing video). The sad thing about all this is, Robin is slowly becoming a stranger to me again. As each day passes, I have less and less energy to put forth all the effort of salvaging our friendship, and sooner or later, sad to say our lives will end up being separated.

As for other girls. I don't really have time for that at the moment. I'm already struggling to keep my academic, emotional, and physical status at a certain level. I don't have the time or energy to build someone else up too. again, not to say that I wouldn't get into a relationship, if the opportunity arises, I will take it. But, then again, I'm not really looking for opportunities now am I?

It just seems at this point in my life, it's not practical to get a girlfriend. It's just like in high school. You'll have a sweetheart that you'll think will be with you forever, but you graduate and move to different colleges. It's the same in college, except, there is even less of a chance you two will end up in the same area. Who knows which med school will take me in, if any. I don't want to get into a relationship just to inevitably break it off in two years.

There are probably some of you who are thinking "Man, why are you thinking about the future like that? Just enjoy your life now you don't know what will happen". I'll say that I can see your point, but I kinda disagree. True, I don't know what will happen, but I do understand the concept of probability; and there is a high ass mother f*cking chance that I'd have to break up with the girl if I ended up going to another state for school. I do not believe in long distance relationship for the sole reason that I'm a paranoid PoS, and my mind is going to be riddled with questions about who's dicking my girlfriend. Not worth it.

I think I have more to say on the subject, but I'm about ready to pass out.

watch the video. It's very eye-opening.

JHAMmin.

Alright, so I've got a couple of things to talk about tonight.

I just came back from my first "JHAM" (pronounced "jam") session. What's a JAHM session? Glad you asked. A JHAM session is something where me and my friends (Henry, Andrew, and Matt) just congregate and talk about.... let's just say... things that aren't necessarily PG, if ya know what I'm spittin'. Now let's be clear, while some of the topics themselves are considered dirty (not all of them are), the way we have our discussions are anything but. We discuss in a very civilized manner and do not stray into smut talk. I think that this is a very healthy thing to do and everyone should find someone(s) to talk about things of that nature. You'd be surprised at what you'd learn about your friends and definitely be surprised at what you'd learn about yourself. I can't say for those who have been in a relationship, but for those who haven't (like myself....*le sad face*) you kind of assume that you'd know what to do once you're in one; through the session, I found out that I don't really know a lot about it (shouldn't have been surprising), but talking with friends about it definitely helped. I think being able to talk about things like this really helps one mature. Hopefully you guys find your own JHAM Session. If I know you, don't be shy to ask me to be part of it, I wouldn't mind :D

Moving on.... there was something we grazed over during our JHAM session that really got me thinking. I won't go into detail about what we were talking about because anything said during a JHAM session is and will forever be confidential. This wasn't really a topic we were discussing, but something said kinda sparked this in my head....

I'm sure people have noticed that there is a, I guess, double standard between men and women on a plethora of topics. One namely, being gays and lesbians. Lesbians together = hot for men and sometimes hot for women, gays together = not so hot for anyone besides gay men (not saying they shouldn't be together, just saying society doesn't see them in the same attractiveness as lesbians). Why is that?

That also brings me to another topic I just remembered. Yesterday my friend Colin and I got into a discussion about the aesthetics of the human body. That got me thinking too (this happens a lot); personally, I think the female body is a beautiful thing (no I don't mean that in a pervy way) I actually think it's a a beautiful creation. Guy's body on the other hand, again, not so much. Just throwing this out there, for any ladies reading this (I'm counting 3 of you so far haha) do you see this in reverse? Do you think a guy's body is a thing of beauty? Just curious.

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I think I'mma start writing some shit that you probably don't care about down here seperated by the line of underscores. These are literally the thoughts that are in my head as I'm finishing this up. Feel free to disregard.

hmmmm... I think I'm going to have to get some new wife beaters, the ones my brother bought me are kinda thin and too big.... showin a little more cleavage than I want to..... also need to lose the rest of my spare tire...

Workout update (biting this from Kim's blog, I don't care this is mainly for me to check and maintain progress):

Today was shoulders and back...

Shoulder Shrugs: 2x 40lb dumbells, 3 sets, 20 reps. may move on to 45 next time. No significant muscle growth yet.

Military Presses: 2x 30lb dumbells, 3 sets, 10 reps. stay here for now, that shit was hard.

Rowing machine: 1 set 90lbs, 2 sets 105lbs. Stay at 105.

Reverse Pec Flys: 3 sets 70lbs, 10 reps. Maybe move to 75.

Deadlifts: 3 sets 50lbs, move to 60.

Swimming: 15 laps (non-consecutive) freestyle. Put your swimming stuff in the wash o.o (gah, shit, I forgot)

(Gah, got sidetracked and played SC2... woo, I won :D ) anyways..

Tomorrow: Abs and Legs

Decline sit-ups: - add 10-20 more sit-ups at 20 degree decline with 15lb weight if possible.

Oblique rotation: move up to 100lbs, maybe 105.

Captains Chairs/Leg Lifts: Stop being a bitch and do 6 sets. (yessir)

Hyper extensions: Do 20 reps for back, stick with 10 for the sides.

Quad stuff: Super set, keep at it.

Calf stuff: move up to 55lbs.

Elliptical: Go for 3+ miles depending on how long the others play racket(raquet?)ball

I finna win, Kim. I thought of a wager for if and when you lose :D tasteful, but still a tad humiliating. bwahahaha.

God damn, I need a girl.